Adulting (Thinking All Day & Doing Things)

I’m in a new kind of funk currently and I’m a firm believer that it all started with the pretty positive talk I had with my therapist yesterday morning. Since then I’ve been feeling like confronting a lot of adult obstacles that are waiting for me. Ever since I got home from Kentucky after a mental breakdown and my departure from a great university I felt like I was limited and had very little potential to offer. I’d been using the “I’m adjusting back to the new setting” excuse for too long. But now I can really push the “I can’t afford it”, since my job is a good thirty-five-minute drive and I still need to feed myself and provide a couple other day-to-day things I require. I’ve been so afraid and nervous to take on these challenges but today I faced some rather big ones, if I’m being honest.

I looked at community colleges. Getting myself to sit down and compare these endless options is way too overwhelming for my Capricorn brain to even fathom, nonetheless completely analyze and consider. But I saw something that showed me what I wanted, a close by environment with some sort of urban setting (places to go, things to see, things to take pictures of?), and had fields of studies I was interested in. Hell, it had general studies and that’s really basically all I need since I don’t know what I want to do with my life yet. It’s just one admission and it honestly didn’t seem like much online, so we will see where this leads me. If it doesn’t work out – so what? I have time. Besides, I still gotta go to work.

On the topic of work, I think about the topic of money. And when I think about money I think about how awfully confusing it is and how I really don’t understand modern finances or anything like that. Senior year I took a personal finance class that was considered super easy, but a lot of it raised more questions than answers for me and I’m very timid around the idea of money and credit and payments. I don’t understand it all. But for the last couple hours I’ve been trying to compare credit cards, because I noticed how much I pay for gas and food, and then there are things I want to get online and could probably benefit from building some credit. I don’t know, it’s just past three AM, maybe my brain is on overload because I’ve been focusing and thinking about a million different things that need to be done over the course of that hour, that day, that week. I think I have a credit card that I might sign up for, but I’m still unsure. I’ll save the decision for after I get some rest and talk to my parentals about it. If anyone reading this has any advice about being a first time credit card owner, especially when you’re currently not a student… that would be helpful.

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Living, loving, learning, growing, being, seeing.

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