I think this happens to more people than just me, but after every time I have a therapy appointment I feel motivated to get my life together again. I guess that means my therapist is doing her job, right?
Today was and still continues to be a beautiful day, though it is a little hotter than usual for a New England spring. It seems we kind of skipped right over the spring season and tumbled right into summer (especially with the heat). But it’s so surprising and refreshing to see colors on the trees and grass. The morning birds that chirp near my window are also a great motivator for me to get up. I always love that sound, and I think that might just be a nostalgic thing because I’ve woken up to the sound for more than eighteen years.
I sat outside for a little bit before I took a nice drive with the windows down up to my therapist’s. Before I left my house a friend of mine offered for me to come over and chat and play with her two huge Bernese mountain dogs, and I was really touched that she
even bothered to reach out to me at all. That motivated me to put a little bit more into my appearance, I put on more jewelry than usual and even a little bit
of mascara. My nose ring was a little infected the past few days but now it’s finally clearing up and doesn’t feel sore. I changed the ring out too so it’s no longer a silver hoop and now it’s more of an oil-spill color. I tried something different with my hair. I stepped into a comfort zone I hadn’t been to in a while.
I chose a dress today to wear because honestly, a lot of my clothes don’t fit me anymore. All these clothes that I have are things I would wear the summer after high school ended, when I was cute and petite and noticeably skinny. I went to college, suffered seasonal depression, and experienced the horrendous freshman fifteen upperclassmen warn you about.
Now I’m a little taller than I used to be (or maybe it’s just me feeling overwhelmingly larger about my body image), and I definitely weigh more than I used to so everything is tight and unflattering. I didn’t want to wear my washed-out leggings so I grabbed a dress that I knew was comfy and loose fitting so it would get rid of my weird folds and lumps. I’ve been dying to go shopping (even more so now that I work in retail and I go through hundreds of cute clothes a day, I’m dying to try them all on) to get more things that I’m actually comfortable in, but I haven’t had the money to.
Speaking of money, I just spent twenty dollars today even though I wasn’t planning on it. I actually submitted an application to a community college about forty minutes away from my hometown. It really didn’t even feel like an application… I thought there would be more to it? I remember my application for my last college experience and it was a lengthy and exhausting process. I guess we’ll see what happens from this… maybe this ‘nothing’ feeling will turn into some big step that I didn’t even know that I took!
Now it’s time for me to focus on my day to day tasks instead of the big picture ones. I struggle with the little ones sometimes I think, probably because their repetitive chores that I get unmotivated to take care of sometimes. I need to tidy up my room and do laundry, because I know that the clean atmosphere will help boost my attitude (and getting laundry done will reduce stress of what to wear the next coming days). I should paint my nails because it gives me a little more self-confidence. I made a list of other things I could do to keep my day to day attitude uplifting but as I’m typing this I’m progressively shrinking into my bed while eating garlic bread with cheese.
Maybe when I finish eating I’ll get something done… or I’ll end up taking a nap and doing everything later. Some of my family is away and some have to work really early so they turn in earlier in the evening, so I basically have the house and the rest of the day to myself. I don’t have to work until 3 tomorrow, and I’m not even mad at it!