“I’m Gonna Do It Later”

Yesterday I heard some very interesting advice from someone. He said that his therapist had told him that whatever you’re “gonna” do, is what is really gonna get to you, or as he puts it: “‘Gonna’ is gonna kill you. Just do it now.” I’ve been thinking about this idea all day.

Of course I didn’t take any of that advice today because there was a bunch of stuff that I was “gonna” do but never actually got to it. However, I did manage to clean off the top of my dresser and make a therapy appointment for later this week, so today wasn’t a total flop but it wasn’t as good as I could’ve made it.

I always tell myself that I’m “gonna” do something but it ends up taking me a long time to even do it. That’s why I think I took that quote to heart so much – because I need to stop procrastinating and putting off this stuff that I’ve got to do, and just get it done.

For example, writing a damn blog post has even gotten to be one of those things I’m “gonna” do but I never really find time or want to find time to make my way around to it. My self-motivation keeps getting weaker and weaker and I’m trying so hard to strengthen it for my own sake, but I can’t. Hopefully going back to therapy on Thursday will help, as I haven’t gone to therapy in almost 6 months.

So, since I’m talking about things I’ve got to do, and making lists is something that comes incredibly easily to me, I thought I’d share some of my tasks that I’ve GOT to do tomorrow, and I’m not gonna let the “gonna” in that sentence kill me.

  • Go for a walk. It’s supposed to be sunny and a tad bit warmer than usual tomorrow. Today was pretty cloudy and windy, and starting on Wednesday there’s supposed to be more snow to chill everything out a little bit more. So I HAVE to take advantage of the one nice day outside. Maybe I’ll even bring a memo book with me because a lot of the time when I walk I come up with pretty good ideas, just like when I’m in the shower.
  • Clean some more. If I could clear out everything in my closet, that would be fantastic. I highly doubt that I’ll be able to but that’s one of my first cleaning goals that needs to be taken off the list.
  • Start reading a book. I have three books now that I really want to read but have not even started nor touched: The Green Mile by Stephen King (I have yet to see the movie too so I want to read the original first), The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton, and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt. I used to enjoy reading so so much, but I haven’t actually sat down and opened one in at least a year.

I’m hoping to hear back soon from some places that I’ve applied to for a job. I’ve pretty much applied to six different places now and only had one rejection so far, so that’s another reason why my self-motivation is shot to hell. I’m going to be meeting with a friend of my grandmother’s who has helped some acquaintances I know get jobs at her husband’s business, so fingers crossed that this opportunity will be my saving grace. I want to get my life started. I want to get my healthy life started. And saying that I’m “gonna do it” doesn’t help start it at all. I’ve just GOT TO DO IT.

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